Scrub-a-Dub

After Trevor’s untimely death, I mourned, for months, over my recently deceased fish; and within the course of these months, Trevor’s fish bowl was left empty and untouched…sitting on my bathroom floor…gathering dust and other unnamed gunk.

As a thin, white film of filth took over the glass bowl, my boyfriend and I repeatedly said, “we really oughta clean that…tomorrow”. And so it remained a grotesque symbol of Trevor’s absence for many weeks.

Today, as I scrubbed at the dishes created by too many people in too small a house, my boyfriend brought Trevor’s bowl to my attention once again. Seeing as I was in the midst of baking cookies, and the first batch was nearly done, I disregarded it…again. To my delight, the man brought Trevor’s bowl into the kitchen, placed it in the sink, and washed it!

The fishy ghost of Trevor has been set free! Thank you, darling, for doing what I should have done months ago.

CHEERS! Clink!

Blog Neglect is Bliss

Hello, my nearly non-existent readers (and Aunt Sheree),

It seems that I had dropped off the pixilated edge of the cyberworld once again, as I tend to do every so often. I would make an attempt to fill you in on the eventful last few months of my life, but I lack the energy and motivation that I would require to do so. In lue of the exciting stories you won’t be reading, I will highlight several of the most important happenings of the past month or so.

Where to begin? Ah, yes…my ridiculous excuse for a “job.” I have been working at Chipotle Mexican Grill for about a month now, and I already have battle wounds to prove it. Our tortilla presses are kept at a scalding 325 degrees, and it shows. My burrito wrapping skills are growing more impressive with every shift, and my boss is an incompetent moron.

Classes remain uneventful. I am in a ballroom dance class with too many women and several frat-boys with not two-but three left feet. My other classes are all required by the school board, and are therefore, completely useless for my field of work.

My boyfriend and I have signed the lease for our new place beginning May 15th! It is a cute studio apartment; we are very excited. The kitchen is brand spankin’ new, the living area is spatious (so much potential), and we have a terribly strange, tiny excuse for a shower. It is unfortunately unfurnished, so if anyone has furnature that they care to donate, contact me.

“Help me, I’m poor.”  -Bridesmaids

So, that about sums it up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to give a presentation on a book that I have read three too many times, then bike through the cold to my pathetic part-time job. The burritos await.

CHEERS! Clink!

Snow White

I rose early today, with my hair and makeup in perfect condition and without a wrinkle on my floor-length gown, to the sound of my animal-friends calling for me. The birds chirped, “Good morning, Adriane! We trust you slept well?” I replied to them with a hearty and melodic thread of whistled notes.
Seeing that I was obviously speaking bird language, telling them to come in through the back door, my woodland creatures were all anxiously waiting for me when I followed the smell of crackling bacon on tiptoe into my filthy kitchen. “Oh dear!” I exclaimed at the sight of my horrendously filthy house. My animal friends assured me, telepathically of course, that after I finished my breakfast, we would clean my house until it was spick and span!
I delicately nibbled on my bacon and thanked Mr. Beaver for cooking it for me – then the work began!
As my woodland creatures and I twirled around the house, singing happy songs, we accomplished many things:

We bleached the shower, washed the sink, swept and mopped the bathroom floors, re-organized my entire room, made a quiche, re-folded and put away all my gowns, started a new load of laundry, made my bed, dusted the cottage, and wrote a post-card to my prince charming.
All in all, it was a beautiful and productive morning, Thank goodness I have woodland creatures to assist me with my chores. I doubt I would accomplish anything without them.

CHEERS! Clink!

I told you my dog was enormous.

She was hungry for human flesh.

I am Thankful for:

Braden Garret Spain Austin

Lady Gaga

Colby-Jack Cheese

Coffee

Celtic Pub Rock

Musical Theatre

Literature

Bridesmaids

Lindsay Kisa Wilson

Jessica Ainardi, Johnathan Steele, Davia Low, Vince Cutino, Robbin Wilkins

Sweet White Wine

Bad Jokes

Paula & Charles

Large Dogs

Scented Candles

Owls

Twinkling Lights

Liquid Eyeliner

Sun-showers

Irish Accents

Pet Fish

All the Love in my Life

CHEERS! Clink!

Most of My Blogs are About Food…

It’s truly a mystery why I only weight 113 lbs. soaking wet, seeing as nearly all of my blogs deal with food. I Somehow manage to work food into my one-sided conversations on a regular basis. Bizarre, yes? I suppose Thanksgiving week is an appropriate time to realize my addiction to food and share it with wordpress. 

I’d say my top three food addictions are as follows:

Quesadillas

Sliced Colby-jack Cheese

Coffee

Yes, the first two are basically just cheese and the third isn’t even a food. Quite frankly my readers, I could not possibly care less. I should start a blog solely about the wonders of cheese. I would discuss a new cheese in each entry. It’s just crazy enough to work. Feedback – hit me with it. I need people to either strongly support or bitch-slap my brain children to the pavement. It’s a process.

Anyhow, I’m going to talk about food now, alright?

Today I made two pumpkin pies, oat-meal-chocolate-walnut cookies, and pumpkin pie pudding. I just love baking! If I were any sort of a business woman, I would probably open up a bakery. Delightful, but difficult – especially in this economy I should probably stick to performing and teaching, hm?

Well, I’m harboring one of my headaches so I don’t really feel like writing. Happy Thanksgiving week to everybody out there. Stay tuned for my list of thanks tomorrow. 

CHEERS! Clink!

The Almondy Goodness of Dog-Hands

I am currently at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving week, and life continues as usual. I am eating almonds from a tiny bowl, exchanging text messages with my darling boyfriend, re-watching old episodes of The Office, and writing this action-packed blog. My hands also smell like my gigantic dog.

Ahh, the holidays.

CHEERS! Clink!

Are you peeing right now?…

“Are you peeing right now!?”

Boyfriend and I were taking a shower together, and I smelt something unpleasant…he was peeing. Not cool, Braden. Not cool at all.

CHEERS! Clink!

Too Much Phenergan

Good afternoon, my darling readers.

The last few days have been rather turbulent seeing as I was dragged against my own will, (as it always in hospital-related situations) to the emergency room on Tuesday night. I have suffered migraines since the seventh grade, experiencing them as they grew progressively worse and more frequent over the years. Several days ago, I endured the most painful, earth-shaking migraine I had ever dealt with in my entire life. I awoke with the pain, and as the day progressed it grew into a fire-breathing dragon of a thing. This was a monster that no amount of water, sleep, or Excedrin could defeat. After a full day of sobbing into my poor boyfriend’s shoulder and kneeling on my knees in front of the toilet,  praying for relief – he convinced me to go seek professional care.

When we arrived at the ER, the waiting room was packed. Braden, our good friend Derek, and I waited several hours to get a room. When I was finally in my hideous hospital gown, a nurse named Emilie pumped me full of enough medication to put down a 300 lb. biker. The Phenergan she shot into my bloodstream did not have a great effect on me and I started to shake, in addition to losing my ability to speak clearly. I now know how frustrated dogs must be. So much to say, but their long, floppy tongues simply won’t allow them to articulate.
Anyhow, the nurse then proceeded to give me even more medicine to counter-balance the mistake she had made…leaving me dizzy and angry.

The medicine had carried into the next day, preventing me from attending class and causing me to seem highly intoxicated. All in all, it was an unpleasant adventure and I will be seeing a neurologist as soon as possible to get this problem solved.
The moral of this story? Never let an incompetent nurse named Emilie give you Phenergan. Never.

CHEERS! Clink!

Cue the Death March

Dear readers, what very few of you there are,

I have some sad news to bare. Trevor has  left our world for a wetter, sloshier one. Yes, that’s correct; my scaly comrade is dead.

The Incident: Trevor, being the exciting little fish that he was, made a hobby out of breaching over the surface of his bowl much like the magestic whale. Roughly a month ago, while performing a breach, Trevor snagged his back fin on his plant, and thus tore a hole. I provided him with aloe-stress-reliever, and his tail only ripped further apart. As the days dragged on for Trevor, his tail began to heal, and he seamed to be in good health once again. Apparently he wasn’t. I don’t know if it was because of the pain, or because I’m such a lousy companion (which is totally bullshit, Trevor, because I had a conversation with you daily…) But several days ago, I came home from class to find Trevor on the floor, dry and dead. He had committed fishy suicide by breaching up and over the ledge of his bowl, and off the fireplace mantle.
Seeing as I was emotional torn apart, I could not pick him up from the carpet, so my neighbor and friend, Cameron, relieved him from this harsh world, and sent him twirling down the toilet.

 

Trevor will indeed be missed, but his death has inspired me to write again. Hold on to your knickers, wordpress, I’m back.

 

CHEERS!  Clink!